Chicks and Dudes: What is the Deal?

This is a look at how chicks (females) and dudes (males) look at the world in relationship to my favorite subject, S-E-X .  Men, grab a brew and use this as a chance to find out a little something about your wife, girlfriend, or wanna-be sex partner.  The ladies love when you pay attention and it will look like you are full of insight into their mysterious world.  Ladies listen up and find some things out about your man that may help you in being the uber-cool wife or girlfriend.  This is for the single, those in a relationship, those not in relationship, and the married too.  On one side I will have what the chick hears or think it means and on the other what the dude hears and what he thinks it means. My job will help you look like the all-star of the relationship world instead of the loser that you might be if you screw some of these things up.

• Foreplay: Chicks may say to their man “Honey I need more foreplay before sex.” Women are saying here to you guys:  Take more than five minutes to get the motor started and you will get much more out of it later.  Men who say they want more foreplay ( which I have never heard a guy use in a sentence ) may tell their significant other : “Honey can you do a little something for me?”  Translation: Ladies  you need to get to work in the oral sex department. I am not saying all the time but give a little.  Keep in mind:  Women are like a oven and take a little bit of time to get hot but stay hot for a while. Men are more like a microwave that gets hot quick and heats up the meal and shuts off.

• A Night Out: Chicks say : ” Let’s go out for a nice night.” Chicks are saying to you that they would like some kind of plan for the evening that involves a little forethought on your part.  Possibly a few choices of restaurants or activities.  There is this thing called the internet guys that helps you even come up with ideas.  Most larger cities have the citysearch.com that allows you to just check out most romantic restaurants or coolest bar.  They even have phone numbers to help you call and make the reservation.  Men say: “Let’s go out for a nice night.”  What they mean is “Let’s go to the local sports bar have some beer,wings, and chill.” For a lot of men that is close to heaven and if you can find a chick who digs that as a nice night then you are in luck. Meet in the middle  men and women.  Look at what the other person might think is great and give a little. Women look at going to the new restaurant that you want to go to and then suggest after that grabbing a few drinks at the local sports bar.  Men take a note and figure out where the restaurant is and if you need reservations. With a little bit of luck, you are getting laid that night.

• Sexual turn-ons: Most chicks do like sex(at least occasionally for some and a lot more for some of the women like  me) and there are some things which make them extra aroused if the men take a second to find out what it is.   Chicks say:  ” I love a man who can give me what I need.”  The chick is talking about the fact that she wants to be asked what she wants before being seduced.  Men all you must do is ask the questions about what turns them on… You might think you know but trust me women like to tell you what they want.  Men say: “I like a girl who knows how to please a man.”  Men mean that they want less conservation and more action.  They want more than the standard missionary position for approximately 13 minutes followed by cuddling and sleep.  They still would like the sleep but they are asking for the girl to shall we say “be a freak in the bedroom.” Women before getting your panties all in a bunch, just think outside the box ( I know nice choice of words there) and live a little. Make some noise or give the man a mind-blowing blowjob he won’t soon forget.

Of course there are many other things I could mention in this article which might help you in the romance department , but this was just a few of the common mistakes that the chicks and the dudes make when relating to each other.  It happens in relationships, in hook-ups, and in marriages all of the time.  Just think aren’t you lucky to have me to help guide you through these murky waters?  Shoot me a comment and let me know if I am off base or right on as your feedback is always appreciated.  Now if we could only figure out the the whole television remote problem…

The Naked Truth Revealed

I like the way I am in the buff… You heard me right I like the way I look sans the clothing.(along with clothing on too by the way)  I was moved to write this post by a story written in The O Magazine by Laurie Redmond. (titled The Nude Attitude).  I know that a lot gets made of what a woman in today’s society should look like and which body parts should be bigger (breasts) and smaller ( abs).  I have to tell you that I want to put it out there as a female that if you love your body others will love it too… Take a minute to think about that and let me put a few reasons why I feel this way.

I am a hot-blooded American woman who feels that I do need some work here and there but I generally feel like I have a great personality and charm that makes me happy with who I am.  I know that does not have to translate to me feeling sexy, hot, or confident in the bedroom in my birthday suit. A perfect quote I found in this article was found that said:

Her confidence isn’t rooted in her clothing size or facial features but in her attitude—fun, delightful, free.

I am not a perfect size 4 or am the ideal weight but I do have to say that I like who I am.  I was give breasts that I think are ample and men seem to like.  I like the fact that as a woman I possess these womanly gifts and will gladly put “the girls” out there proudly.  I love the fact that my hips are that of a female and that I have the curves in all of the right places… I don’t say that my body is taking the best bod contest but I  do have to say that as a woman I like the way my hips and thighs cannot be confused with a man’s.

As I have become older and somewhat more wise, I tell you that my sexiness has increased.  I don’t need my husband, partner, or anyone else to tell me.  I feel on my own that I am a woman who deserves notice and I give that gift to myself.  In doing so I am able to project that onto others and they view me as being comfortable in my own self.  I know when I lay in bed naked  that I am wonderful just the way I am.  That does not mean that I don’t strive for being healthier, it means only that I know that I have it “going on” and I am proud of my body right now.  The way I think does effect the way I carry myself, the things I say, and the people I attract to my life. I can choose to feel good in who I am or I can waste energy on being something that someone else has deemed worthy.  No thanks on that.

Because when you’re miserable with your own body, you’ve doomed yourself to “compare and despair.”

Women, spend your time being who you want to be,  and not what you think you ought to be for everyone else.  Let me tell you that when I decide to “show off these assets” I let myself feel good.  In doing so I have been successful in drawing people to me who not only appreciate this body and all it has to offer, (whole other post there) but I have led a life that has been filled with experiences that have not been held back because of the hang-ups associated with the body image.

Just writing this post has led me to want to take a bath and go to bed barenaked tonight.  I have nothing to hide and a lot to gain… (smirking)!  Women and men too are you with me?  Take a minute please to comment on what I said and let me know if I am “right on” or way off base…

Nude Bathsheba

Curves ahead…

Do you think society values women with real curves?  I know that most men will say they do but what do you think?  I am here to tell you that as a red-hot blooded female here in the USA I am not destined to be a size 2.  I have the kind of genetics that prevent me from being that women and even at my thinnest I have always had curves.  I happen to be damn proud of the fact that I am a woman and don’t mind showing those curves off.

Marilyn Monroe, one of the most famous of curvy chicks represents the way that women used to look.  Men for the last 40 yrs. have seemed to appreciate the fact that Marilyn was a real woman.  Women also have appreciated the fact that she looks like what women want to look like.  Translate that to today, marketers have found “It’s about finding new ways to connect with women. Some now seem more motivated by women like themselves than by unattainable images, and advertisers are recasting some ads.”

We all have a certain type of person that we are physically attracted to but for the most part most of us remain pretty flexible in our list of what we are looking for in a partner.  I just think that genetically few of us are made to look like the models in the magazine naturally (notice I said naturally) and that does not mean that it does not look good.  It just means that we need variety as in “Variety is the spice of life.”  For the women reading who are blessed to look like the models or have that body type, great, work it girls.

As for me I know that I have the curves that show men that I am a real women with real curves and I am proud of that fact.  Does that mean that I could  do more to be healthier or lose a few pounds? Hell yeah.  As for me though I know I have the confidence in myself and the ability to see that I am a real women who knows who she is and loves “showing her ass-ets.”

Feel free to comment on what you think about what I said, I would love to hear it.  Let’s just all be real and be happy with ourselves the way we are because face it that is what the other person is attracted to in the first place…

Just remember too that you never know what other skills the girl with curves might possess that could be an asset to you.  *WINK* You knew I had to throw at least one comment like that in there, right?

You can be anything you want…

I was in a store several weeks ago perusing the racks for some killer deals for myself and the family.  I of course was looking at deals for the 6 yr. old daughter who seems to receive the most out of bargain obsessive behavior.  I am in the racks going through the shirts and I come across one that said “Future First Lady.”  I thought wait a second here I don’t think so… Not that I have anything against the first ladies of our nation but it insinuates that our girls can achieve success only by marrying a man with power.  I take offense to this message.  Just like is it really that cute to say “Diva” on a kid’s t shirt or “drama queen?”  One of the definitions of diva is this from Wikipedia ” The term is often used with a negative connotation. This derives from the implication that a star who is a “diva” is arrogant, difficult to work with, high-maintenance, manipulative, fussy, highly strung, privileged and demanding.”  Yes that is exactly the way I want my little girl to grow up being… please!  As my prior post talked about drama queens it also points out something you would rather not be in the big scheme of life.  I guess as I sat down I wondered if it was just me that had these feelings about these innocuous t-shirts?

As I looked around I found that there is a company that makes shirts for little girls that say “Doctor not Diva“  and “President Not Princess” which seems to me to at least give girls the option of shooting for something more than trophy wife or future Mrs. Timberlake.  I know that for some of you these shirts might make you smile and laugh a bit but as a mother of a daughter I want her to decide what she wants to do and that does not have to include riding on someone else’s coat tails.  My daughter’s name is Hillary and she believes that she can be president someday and I know that now that Hillary Clinton has proved to the world she can be a candidate all on her own.  I do have to tell you that she was quite upset however when she found out that Hillary Clinton would not be President.  Her comment was “But I wanted a President who was a lady named Hillary.”  Recently I heard Michelle Obama’s brother commenting on his sister, the future First Lady and he commented that if you told me that my sister was going to be an astronaut or something like that I would have believed it but if you told me she was going to be First Lady I would have not believed it.  I paraphrase what he said because I was unable to find the actual quote.  The whole point was that women like me and like our future First Lady believe our girls can be anything they want to be.

I know it is just a t-shirt but it means so much more than that to me.  The fact that our society continues to give us messages that we can only achieve lofty goals through a man  is not just unfair but just plain wrong.  Call me a feminist which is defined by someone who  believes in the the theory of the political, economic, and social equality of the sexes.  I know that a t-shirt is just a t-shirt but let’s be clear on the message it sends our little girls.  It gives our society a free pass to continue giving our little girls a message that I am not wanting my little girl to hear.  What do you think?  This mom for one is not going to buy into this and I hope you will not either.

Hungry for some Lovin’

“Each person’s sex drive is like an appetite: Some people spend their whole life in the kitchen and think about food all the time; some people can skip lunch,” says Ritvo, who is also chair of the department of psychiatry and behavioral medicine at Mount Sinai Medical Center, Florida.

I am a girl I guess who thinks about food (ahem) a lot of the time.  The reason I bring it up is not to brag or boast but just to state the facts.  I used to think that there were many other women like me but as I have grown older and dare I say wiser I see that I am not in the norm.  I guess I in some ways enjoy that fact because it does make me unique but on the other hand I have trouble finding women who identify with me.  For me most of my friends (mostly married like myself) view sex and intimacy as a “chore” or something needing to be done like doing the laundry.  I on the other hand view it as a way to show my significant other affection and love and connect in a way that is uniquely ours.  In continuing the comparison of food appetite and sexual appetite I found this Sex and the City quote that kind of sums it up:

“Samantha: So, how were they?
Carrie: The pancakes? Delicious, exactly what I wanted. I couldn’t get enough.
Samantha: No, I was referring to the moves.
Carrie: Delicious, exactly what I wanted. I couldn’t get enough.”

I know that there are many things that go into the sex drive: biology, psychology, and relationships but that is another post.  The therapist in me knows all about those things but in a practical sense I want to find some of my sisters in womanhood who share my love of sex.  I want to find the friend who wants to talk openly about wanting to be with her partner in that way.  I don’t mind most of the time really and kind of like the status with the men or being viewed as the “cool wife” .

I am just amazed that there are not more women who think more like me and do think about sex like a man which is more often than not…I guess I will continue to stay hopeful that there will be women who are like me.  In the meantime however I will continue to read my erotica and indulge in my fantasies.  I will let you in on the fact that my house might not be perfectly clean but my husband does wear a smile in terms of his sex life!  Post some comments because I know you have viewpoints.  Looking forward to hearing from you…

Showing off my ass—ets!

Did I get your attention?  That was the point… For a couple months now I have been contemplating what I wanted to say in a blog.  Should I write about family life, being a mom, being a wife, etc.  I then came to the realization that I have something to say.  Believe me I was born having an opinion and on one hand that is good because I can keep any conversation moving along, but on the other hand I  do have an opinion. ( note :some people think women need to be seen and not heard)  I am a person however that due to my personality and my life as a social worker I am very respectful of other viewpoints.  I have come to see however that a majority of people in this life really don’t want to see anyone else’s point of view.  For those people I am sad because you are missing out on a whole world of viewpoints which can make your life much more interesting.  I know I should post all of the facts about who I am and give you the scoop on me, but that will come later.  Today I am putting out there what I want to do with this blog and introduce you to some facts about me…  I do believe I have assets to show and I will attempt with each post to either show them off to you or help you to look at the world with these great Coach sunglasses world the way I do.  Some of you will like it and others well, just don’t have good taste I suppose…  I am an extrovert at heart and I am not a  “shrinking violet” when it comes to my views on men, the world, sex, or anything else.  One last note I do enjoy being provocative and if that is not your bag , that’s cool.  I hope you join me for this fun filled ride and enjoy my posts.  My college nickname was “Hoot”  because life with me is always a hoot.  I even looked up the definition for hoot which follows: Informal One that is hilariously funny.  I guess that about sums it up…  Welcome to my world!