A Gift for Santa and The Mrs.

Was the night before Christmas and what do you know? Mommy wants to play with Daddy and be his HO-HO-HO!

The stockings were black and fishnet to boot , she hoped that these were enough to make her man mute…

The children were nestled all snug in their beds and mama hoped that the moaning would not be an issue,

With mama in her bustier and daddy with his paddle they had just settled in for a pre- Christmas romp,

When Daddy spanked mama and the moaning began, they could not hear who had just snuck in…

It was Santa with his knapsack  who had  heard the noises and came to the room to see , that mama was naked as naked could be.

No one had noticed that St. Nick had appeared and was watching the action while stroking his … beard,

When Daddy out of the corner of his eye caught Santa with his video cam he yelled “Who do you think you are, man?”

Santa quite startled yet remaining in place said to Daddy “Chill my man I mean you no harm, but the Mrs. Claus and I also like to get it on…”

Daddy said  “You can watch but remember this next year and I better get all on my Christmas list…”

Santa said “Sure you can count on me , I won’t forget the gift you just gave to me.”

With a twinkle in his eye and his cheeks a little extra rosy, Santa enjoyed the rest of the show.

When it was time to leave and Daddy had cum, the man in red said to them both,

” I  rarely  get  many gifts like the one I received tonight and for that the Mrs. and I thank you and I wish you good night.”

“I can assure you that this romp that I taped will just be between us and for your help with this I will never forget…”

See Santa gets hot and bothered too when going down (the chimneys) and sometimes needs more than milk and cookies to carry in his sleigh.

So if sometime on Christmas Eve you see a Santa out of the corner of your eye, you will know that Santa needed more than cookies and milk…

Santa upon leaving called out to us both ” Keep up that spark and thanks again for some really great film. There will be no You Tube or Facebook or such, for this viewing is only for us!”

The sleigh was off with the reindeer ahead and I heard him say ” You are lucky my man cause Mama is a good lay!”

**This poem is all in good fun and I hope you enjoyed my twisted take on The Night Before Christmas.  Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays  to my readers and I hope that this gives you pause to laugh and maybe even take a minute to remember that in the hub-bub this time of year this may be something you can share that is really for free!!**

Christmas Party Gone Wild

This the time of year for Christmas office parties,family get togethers, and friendly lunches to celebrate the season.   I was thinking  of some things that people might do that would be classified as  a “faux pas“.  I have heard of stories of  too much to drink and lots of activities which have resulted in embarrassment and I have decided to give you a chance to make better choices when at these parties.  I have come not to tell you what to do but to tell you what you should think about in planning for some of the common issues that arise at the parties.

The first of the Christmas party blunders is getting sloppy drunk and taking an willing partner to the coat closet or other place of convenience.    I am fine with people taking the time to get their groove on at the party but remember to make sure that the person is not your bosses’ wife  and/or husband you are banging on the floor of the bathroom .   This also brings about another tip I have for you which is to find someplace that is more discreet than the coat closet at the restaurant which people are streaming in and  out of frequently.  An office or a hotel room if the party is at a hotel is a much better option.  If you do however get in the situations which I mentioned before make sure no one gets photographic evidence of such encounters.  As far as the attire for the party please steer clear of  shall we say “hot mess.”  If you wonder if you should wear the outfit then the answer is probably no.   Make your outfit dressier than  something that you would  wear to work on a regular day but don’t make it look like you are working later in the evening as a hooker either.

You may have always wanted to engage in a threesome and hey I am not here to judge, but the night of your office Christmas party is not the best time to find out who in your workplace also has that fantasy.  Save that for another time in which your boss is not at the gathering.  Another thing that I want to mention is that the Christmas party is not the time to bash the boss either.  Use you brain and remember that there are many guests at the party and they may be a friend of your boss.

These are just some small things you can do to make your Christmas party fun but save you from losing your job the Monday after the Christmas party.  All I can tell you is have fun and just remember that as long as you do things the right way and use common sense, your Christmas party can be a blast. As far as me, throw out all of those things and let’s party!

Let me know of any great Christmas party stories you may know…

Naughty or Nice? You Decide

Santa Baby – Cynthia Basinet

Dear Santa Baby,

Please take a minute to read this letter from your lil’ giver of cheer … me.  I want to tell you that you are going to have to follow along closely because I need to confess a couple things and also let you know some of my wishes too.  I just hope you will find it in your heart to put this naughty girl on your nice list.

First of all I will admit what makes me naughty:  I really enjoy sex (which is not bad) and sometimes I can sit and think of it and not get my housework done.  I also write a blog which even says it out loud to the general public.  I get a certain thrill out of being the girl-next-door turned naughty girl, probably a bigger thrill than I should!!  I also have been naughty also by often not answering the phone when my mother calls.   As a mom, Santa, I could do better too.  Sometimes I have sent the kids to school on a day that they probably needed a shower that morning.  As for the man in my life,  I might have been guilty of asking him to do things I could do one too many times, to get  Diet Dr. Peppers for me and also for spending hours on-line talking suggestively to other men. (psst… if you are one of those guys I won’t tell)  I know it is wrong to pretend to be nice when underneath feeling naughty like I do and for that I hope you will be understanding.

As for the nice things I did this year, Santa, here are just a few of the things I might have done right…  I have been attentive to my kids in a way that makes them feel loved.  They know that their parents try their hardest to make them into responsible and kind adults.  Not to say I have not screwed up but I have instilled in them love for others.  I also have been a good wife to the hubs by letting him have sex anytime he wants it.  (isn’t that nice of me?)  I have for the most part been supportive of his endeavors and I think he feels loved too.  My dogs, Indy and Scout,  were adopted too this year at the animal shelter which I believe should earn me points for niceness.

I will let you decide what you think but I am thinking that I can be a nice girl who sometimes can be naughty.  As with any Santa letter, I need to list a few things I am wishing for:

• This little outfit from Victoria’s Secret
• Kindle reader from Amazon.com
• Hot new boots
• Tiffany Bracelet

For all of us I wish health, well-being, and joy.  For Santa, even if I  get all those things on my list, I know that without the things above there is not a lot to appreciate.  Another thing Santa if you need a special incentive for coming down the chimney, just give me a twitter!!!

All my Love,

Me

When Did You Get Old?

I went out with some friends tonight for a little Chick’s Christmas (yeah that is what we called it) at Buca di Beppo which was a lot of fun but it led me to consider some questions of myself and others.  What brings this train of thought about was that we had a fun evening with the girls and we did the whole  “dirty Santa exchange” and the meal.  Jokes were told and gossip was shared.  Fun stuff right?

Strong independent women at the table begin talking about what time they needed to get home and if they should have coffee instead of just getting going.  Suddenly I felt myself getting a little upset inside.  I know that all of us lead busy lives and I can respect that…  The only question is what happened to being able to spend a  night with friends without having to check in? None of us have infants and all of us have husbands that are able to manage the kids and home without them. As for me, I am not in the kind of relationship that I have to or feel compelled to check in with my husband.

As I drove home I began to realize that every time I have been with friends over the last several years I outlast everyone.  I mean I am not staying out until 3 or 4 am but I know I could .  The problem is that the pool of people who are my age or who I am friends with just have become well… old.  Sometimes I feel like a freak in my circle of friends.  I am the one who is still ready to go to the next place when people are ready to go home at 11 pm, the one who wants one more drink, and basically the one who talks about sex openly.

Age and maturity are not the same thing and the way you view life can be like that of a teen or young 20’s person or you can have the viewpoint of a 60 year old. Isn’t it really all in how you view life?  I know that I am not a teen and I sure don’t want to be in the 20’s again.  I just want to feel like I am still vibrant and youthful as long as I can.   So the question is how old do you feel and when did you get so old? (or maybe like me you did not get old yet). We have to remember that you can maintain maturity and have youthfulness if you choose that path.  You can also choose a path at a younger age of being more set in your ways much like that of a “typical” older person. (  not everyone)  What age do you feel like today?

Pretty Shiny Things

Welcome to the Holiday season!  For me we celebrate  Christmas, for others Hanukkah, Kwanzaa, or even Festivus (popularized by Frank Costanza on Seinfeld).  A common thread could be the fact that there are special foods or traditions unique to each of these celebrations.  I have however chosen to look at the holidays in my own special way.  I mean,  this is my blog and I love to offer my own  sometimes twisted but mostly entertaining views on everything.  I was considering writing about  comparing Christmas cookies to different kinds of people and then I thought also of  perhaps comparing people to different kinds of ornaments.  I shot all of them down as you can see from the title and decided to focus on pretty shiny things over the holidays. Why? I am going to look at some of the pretty shiny objects adorning ourselves or decorating our homes at the holidays.  I could just leave it at that but what fun would that be? How about what kind of lover you are based on the kind of pretty shiny thing you choose?

• Christmas Balls These people like the very traditional predictability of the classic shape.   As  lovers, these folks are the people who prefer the bed for  “the deed” often in the predictable sexual positions.   For those types that make their Christmas balls (I said balls … okay enough already of the juvenile comments) different with glitter or an unusual color/material they tend to be a little more daring in terms of maybe mixing it up in the postitions and perhaps the location as well.  Staying inside the house however is where this person prefers to remain.
• Tinsel Tinsel is the kind of decoration that stands up and says “take notice of me.”  While it may be common it is always in a metallic color which loves to be adorned all over the house.  Does this appeal to you?  This lover is fun to be around and has a joyful and giving attitude.  You get a “lot of bang” for the buck so to speak.  This lover is open to looking at a  number of different ways of  relating to their lover and can go anywhere in terms of location.  Outside? Sure. On the lawn? Sure.  At a Christmas party? Sure.
• Menorah The Menorah is the traditional eight branched candle holder which holds those beautiful candles which give out the pretty shiny lights on those eight nights of Hanukkah.   This kind lover is selfless and when tired from the day continues to give the most to their lover.  Women,  really this guy says he is tired but works to please you for hours more than thought possible. (or vice versa )  Instead of only having one romp in them this lover performs several more times!

• Lights I have included a clip of  National Lampoon’s Christmas Vacation which might sum it up.  You have to watch the clip because it does get to the big finale.   This is the lover who has one brilliant performance in him or her and then for the rest of the year is totally dim or non-existant.  You can make an argument that for that month or so, the sex is outstanding.  

• Festivus Pole The Festivus Pole can be small or large depending on how you like your festivus poles… (trying to write that with a straight face) It can be  shiny and can be made to look lusterless as well. I think you might get the point that this is really a choice of what you like in terms of your festivus pole (ahem).  This lover works with what he has so to speak.

Now there are so many more kinds or decor as well as different lovers.  I tried to come up with the lover who is adventruous and will do anyone or anything almost anywhere and I could not come up with a comparable big shiny holiday object.  I would love to hear what you think this kind of lover might be.

As for me I think I am a glistening display of sparkly and pretty items  that is on the hearth displayed with pride.    I shine all year long but maybe is a tad shinier for the holiday season.  Also like the holiday decorations and adornments,  I tend to enjoy the attention and add sparkle to any lover who I may be with.

Please enjoy your holiday decorations and your holiday lovers as well.  Remember too that you don’t need someone else to sparkle on your own so shine your light, baby!!

Curves ahead…

Do you think society values women with real curves?  I know that most men will say they do but what do you think?  I am here to tell you that as a red-hot blooded female here in the USA I am not destined to be a size 2.  I have the kind of genetics that prevent me from being that women and even at my thinnest I have always had curves.  I happen to be damn proud of the fact that I am a woman and don’t mind showing those curves off.

Marilyn Monroe, one of the most famous of curvy chicks represents the way that women used to look.  Men for the last 40 yrs. have seemed to appreciate the fact that Marilyn was a real woman.  Women also have appreciated the fact that she looks like what women want to look like.  Translate that to today, marketers have found “It’s about finding new ways to connect with women. Some now seem more motivated by women like themselves than by unattainable images, and advertisers are recasting some ads.”

We all have a certain type of person that we are physically attracted to but for the most part most of us remain pretty flexible in our list of what we are looking for in a partner.  I just think that genetically few of us are made to look like the models in the magazine naturally (notice I said naturally) and that does not mean that it does not look good.  It just means that we need variety as in “Variety is the spice of life.”  For the women reading who are blessed to look like the models or have that body type, great, work it girls.

As for me I know that I have the curves that show men that I am a real women with real curves and I am proud of that fact.  Does that mean that I could  do more to be healthier or lose a few pounds? Hell yeah.  As for me though I know I have the confidence in myself and the ability to see that I am a real women who knows who she is and loves “showing her ass-ets.”

Feel free to comment on what you think about what I said, I would love to hear it.  Let’s just all be real and be happy with ourselves the way we are because face it that is what the other person is attracted to in the first place…

Just remember too that you never know what other skills the girl with curves might possess that could be an asset to you.  *WINK* You knew I had to throw at least one comment like that in there, right?

Notch(es) in my Bedpost

Notch in my bedpost is a expression which means to keep count of sexual partners. It refers to the old times when I suppose some cowboy would put a notch into his bed to keep track of his conquests…

You may have heard of this idea but it is new to me.   There is a site called bedposted.com which is used to see “How many times do you get busy?”  It did get me thinking, is there a market for that kind of data and how can someone like me use this?  I “got busy” thinking of reasons (no ,not that way, at least not today yet!) how I could use it and I came up with a couple of conclusions:

• You can harass your spouse, partner, or significant other either about the lack of sex or the fact that you have to give it out too much (not a problem here)
• For those of you who are single you can use it for bragging rights with the guys or the girls, whatever the case may be
• A conversation starter for sure  ” Hey I am getting banged 4.5 times a week on average and you?”
• You always need goals so this can be something you can “shoot for”…(*groan*)
• You can use it as a way to track exercise if you are wanting to use the aerobic activity, which you need to have a lot of it to get the physical benefits in terms of exercise.
• you can really put the freak factor in your daily life by bringing it up with those people who have their panties in a bunch already.

I have given you several ways you can use this “handy” tool which brings us to another point… Wonder how the whole self-satisfaction count could be placed in these statistics?  I am pretty sure these would not be used in the same way but might be a incentive for you to get a partner!  (That was not meant to be cruel)

The fact is that for every reason I can come up with there are many more that you creative types can think of to add to the list.  I look forward to hearing about your views.  I am not complaining but I love when my blog goes interactive… Please (begging on my knees) for feedback.  I know I wanted to go there with the whole begging on my knees statement but jump to your own conclusions!  For you new to my type of humor and candor, I do take everything to the lowest common denominator and straight to the gutter!

Note: myblackbook.com is another site that also has a lot of similarities to the above mentioned site but it is designed for more of a single lifestyle and promotes safe sex.