Thanks for Giving Me…

In true Thanksgiving spirit,  I am going to present things I am thankful for this year and what I am glad to have in my life.  Now I know that I am the queen of the lists and to keep in true form I thought I would do a list that went along with my blog, so for each letter in the blog title I will pick an item I am thankful for today.  Without further ado I give you the Showing Off My Assets 2008 thankfulness list:

S:  Sharing love with those near and far, some maybe might be easier  to love from afar

H: Having a great sense of humor and letting everyone get to experience it on my blog

O: Owning my home, in good standing

W: Writing my Showing My Assets blog

I: Interested in making the world a better place , one chuckle at a time

N: Nice friends in my life at home, on-line, and imaginary (just kidding on the last one)

G: Great husband *most of the time * and great parents who raised me

O: Outstanding sex drive

F: Freedom , serious on this one. Thanks military for keeping it that way!

F: Fine hound dogs, Indy and Scout

M: Mom to three of the cutest munchkins you will ever find

Y: Youth: I may not be as young as I once was but I am as good as I once was…

A: Ass-ets… Gotta be grateful for what the good Lord gave me.

S: Sister and he upcoming wedding this year.

S: Sweet treats. What can I say I am always thankful for the sweet treats.

E: Eager to learn and curious still about life.

T: Twitter pals.

S: Something else. This actually will be anything else that I can think of that  I am sure I will think of after writing this post.

So this is my incomplete list, but you get the point. Please have a safe and wonderful Thanksgiving for you all in the states and a happy Thursday if not in the U.S.  Remember to show off your ass-ets to whoever is there on Thanksgiving.  There really is always something to be thankful for everyday, look for it this Thanksgiving!

Random Bits about My Ass-ets

This post is going to be much like my life is lately… all over the place. Please bear with me as it is Thanksgiving week and I have the kids home with me all week.  Can someone please explain how having them home with me this week is supposed to get me prepared for the holiday?  Yeah I think the teachers must like this week more than the parents. Just a thought there. Anyway back to the randomness that I am all about today I present to you a list of some things you may or may not know about me.  I am going to give you this list in the David Letterman format of a Top Ten List:

1. I am an alumna of Ball State University in Muncie IN just like our favorite alumnus David Letterman. Yes we did have shirts that say “I ‘d rather Ball U than I.U.!”.  Another tidbit our university sits on U.S. 69, yeah that has always been pretty popular in terms of people stealing it for their personal collection.
2. I must match jewelry and socks with any outfit even if just heading to the store for a minute.  I usually have the earrings, necklace, bracelet(s), and watch in my ensemble.  Friends have always commented on this as something that is unique to me and I plan to have it on my tombstone.
3. I am freaky when it comes to blood.  I do not faint based on blood but something with the taking of blood really freaks me out.  It is irrational and only happens very occasionally without warning.  Latest example was the movie Twilight. I was watching the movie happily and became very woozy at the point where Edward sucks Bella’s blood.  Very odd to me and unexpected.
4. I have twins who are six years and a five year old.  The twins are boy/girl twins and they were only 4 months old when I found out I was pregnant.  It is a long story and boils down to this we had to have in-vitro fertilization to have the kids, spent $20,000 to have our babies and then became pregnant very quickly. I had twins in 3/2002 and little brother in 3/2003.  I call it the “buy 2 get one free deal!”
5. I am a Gemini.  You know you wanted to know my sign baby!
6. I was 18 yrs. when I lost my virginity on my first night of college with my boyfriend who was already in college… Life has never been the same.  I need lots of sex and enjoy it greatly. I love flirting with men and have a lot of fun with provacative statements. My husband knows it and loves me anyway…I also like talking frankly and openly about sex which many people shy away from.
7. I seem to need a soundtrack for my life.  Wherever I go I like to have the tunes pumping when I am doing most anything.  Some people like to have music in the background and I am one of those people I guess.
8. My first car was a 1975 Pontiac Catalina which my grandfather bought me in 1987 or so with only 30,000 miles on it.  It was in great condition and was a dark navy blue.  I nicknamed it “Big Blue.”  She served me well and I never appreciated her until much later in life.  Memories of being high school with about 7 girls seated comfortably in my car. I had a tape player put in so I could really rock out while driving in it. People would sometimes make boat noises as I went by…It did have a really big backseat however!
9. I played golf in high school but otherwise am not physically coordinated much.  I wish I played more now but with the above mentioned crazy-ass life I lead there is just not much time these days.
10. I cannot whistle.  I have tried my whole life to whistle but I think I am one of those people who is not destined to whistle.  I do have to say I may not know how to whistle but I sure can blow…  WINK!  I will let you read whatever you want with that statement.

There you go with my random bits about my life.  Can I say how thankful I am to have all of the readers I have with my new blog?  I would love to know a random fact about your life. You choose.

Twilight and Other Supernatural Beings

Okay so I am totally going with the theme of the day which is … all things Twilight related. Yes I know that it is very predictable and popular but as always I have my own take on it all.  First of all in order to defend myself, I have been a vampire lover from way back.  I read all of the Anne Rice books in Inteview with a Vampire back in the day of that  book/movie craze.  If you aren’t aware or just living in a hole there is a movie coming out called Twilight in which there is a love story about a vampire and a human girl and the obstacles the couple faces of wanting to “get with your girl” and being tempted by having her for a snack (you know that sounds naughtier than it should!)  So here’s what I am thinking today: Which of the supernatural beings would you like to “be with in the carnal sense” (for the ladies and or the gay guys too) and for the men which of these supernatural beings would you most like to be with or be like?  I am going to give you some suggestions but I encourage you to let me know if there is a supernatural freak that I have left out…

1. Vampire: Okay here is my take on these creatures.. HOT! There is a reason that women want to have these creatures bite their neck.  You don’t see these guys being played by average dudes, hotties of the supernatural world.  Men for you I think that you might get some serious loving if you went with becoming a vampire.  The cons include however: you often kill your potential lady friend and/or you are a snack.  On the plus side, I have to say living forever and not aging good things.  Edward Cullen can suck my neck any ‘ole time he wants.
2. Werewolves: These guys need some  public relations help.  In the world of television and movies they are often depicted in not the greatest of ways.  Taking this back to all things Twilight however the werewolf Jacob presents us with a different kind of werewolf than we have seen before.  He is athletic and muscular.  He has muscular build who Bella is attracted to and is described as large in his build. ( I don’t have to tell you that means big everywhere!)  Werewolves are getting their due and making me rethink my former stance on them.  The cons however: the stinky dog smell that a wolf has after hunting, being too powerful without trying, and yeah possible death to his partner. Men think about giving the werewolves a chance, they are very animalistic and chicks dig that.
3. Vulcans: This is a bit of a stretch but hey it is my blog so go with me here… They are smart and very logical in their thinking, which we know some of our men here on earth may not be.  Now I have a thing for the smart guys and view it as a turn on.  Leonard Nimoy doesn’t do it for me but in the latest Star Trek slated to come out next summer Zachary Quinto plays an updated Spock. For the ladies here there is something to love in a Vulcan, it is only every 7 years that he “wants to get his freak on.”  I am sure during that time he puts the SUPER in supernatural being. Here it is described as  ” Periodically, approximately every seven years, for males and bonded females, Vulcans experience an overpowering mating drive known as pon farr. Once triggered, Vulcans must have sexual contact with someone, preferably their mate, or else face insanity and death.”  Men this could be a chance for you to use this line on the ladies, “Don’t deny me I am in pon farr.”  I mean really who can deny a Vulcan that and for the ladies who are not like me … Sex only once every seven years.

I think that I have given everybody something to think about today and to ponder.  Right now for me it is Edward Cullen the vampire who is” turning my crank” if you know what I mean… but who knows tomorrow maybe I am all about the werewolves?   One thing I can say is that I will be at Twilight tomorrow fantasizing about being with a vampire for sure.  Feel free to comment and give me an idea of what you think… What can I say I have been bitten by the Twilght bug?  ( get it?)

Guilty Pleasures

Everyone has guilty pleasures. Admit it you have things that you enjoy that perhaps you do not want others to catch on to or be aware of.  These pleasures aren’t things that are bad but they are things that you don’t elaborate on when in discussion with a group of friends.  On some people’s lists there are things another person may not find a guilty pleasure at all.  Your guilty pleasure can include food, fashion, television, movies, or the Internet (or a whole lot of other things too).  Let’s say it may involve leisure time as well, doing something that well either you should not be doing or is just not healthy.  When asking hubs about this post he commented that he has a fetish or guilty pleasure for Mrs. Winner’s, and before you get worried that the marriage is not secure, Mrs. Winner’s is a fried chicken chain much like KFC.  I know that many of us work hard during the day and at night want to just relax.  Let’s not feel bad about our guilty pleasures but embrace the fact that they make us unique.

For my guilty pleasures (see how much y’all are learning about me in my posts) I have to include these:

• peanut butter M & M’s . I love those things too much and I know I should not.
• erotic fiction or erotic blogs, the more explicit the better (gasp)
• any medical mystery show which airs on Discovery Health Channel or A & E
• staying in pajamas all days for no good reason
• googling ex-boyfriends just for fun
• buying a pair of shoes that I really don’t need just because they are a great deal
• looking at men in their football pants just to see how their ass looks in them ( I do love football)
• Twittering, Blipping, or Facebooking when I should be doing other things

That is my list but I am dying to know what some guilty pleasures of yours are.  I have the suspicion that there are many more guilty pleasures out there that need to be explored.  A guilty pleasure is not a bad thing, but in my mind a coping mechanism that helps all of us make through life’s little journey.  Go ahead today or tomorrow and indulge in one of them for me.  I promise I won’t tell if you won’t tell…

Please feel free to post anonymously if you want. I seriously love the comments and appreciate your feedback.  I need to go there is a Diagnosis Unknown on now…

You can be anything you want…

I was in a store several weeks ago perusing the racks for some killer deals for myself and the family.  I of course was looking at deals for the 6 yr. old daughter who seems to receive the most out of bargain obsessive behavior.  I am in the racks going through the shirts and I come across one that said “Future First Lady.”  I thought wait a second here I don’t think so… Not that I have anything against the first ladies of our nation but it insinuates that our girls can achieve success only by marrying a man with power.  I take offense to this message.  Just like is it really that cute to say “Diva” on a kid’s t shirt or “drama queen?”  One of the definitions of diva is this from Wikipedia ” The term is often used with a negative connotation. This derives from the implication that a star who is a “diva” is arrogant, difficult to work with, high-maintenance, manipulative, fussy, highly strung, privileged and demanding.”  Yes that is exactly the way I want my little girl to grow up being… please!  As my prior post talked about drama queens it also points out something you would rather not be in the big scheme of life.  I guess as I sat down I wondered if it was just me that had these feelings about these innocuous t-shirts?

As I looked around I found that there is a company that makes shirts for little girls that say “Doctor not Diva“  and “President Not Princess” which seems to me to at least give girls the option of shooting for something more than trophy wife or future Mrs. Timberlake.  I know that for some of you these shirts might make you smile and laugh a bit but as a mother of a daughter I want her to decide what she wants to do and that does not have to include riding on someone else’s coat tails.  My daughter’s name is Hillary and she believes that she can be president someday and I know that now that Hillary Clinton has proved to the world she can be a candidate all on her own.  I do have to tell you that she was quite upset however when she found out that Hillary Clinton would not be President.  Her comment was “But I wanted a President who was a lady named Hillary.”  Recently I heard Michelle Obama’s brother commenting on his sister, the future First Lady and he commented that if you told me that my sister was going to be an astronaut or something like that I would have believed it but if you told me she was going to be First Lady I would have not believed it.  I paraphrase what he said because I was unable to find the actual quote.  The whole point was that women like me and like our future First Lady believe our girls can be anything they want to be.

I know it is just a t-shirt but it means so much more than that to me.  The fact that our society continues to give us messages that we can only achieve lofty goals through a man  is not just unfair but just plain wrong.  Call me a feminist which is defined by someone who  believes in the the theory of the political, economic, and social equality of the sexes.  I know that a t-shirt is just a t-shirt but let’s be clear on the message it sends our little girls.  It gives our society a free pass to continue giving our little girls a message that I am not wanting my little girl to hear.  What do you think?  This mom for one is not going to buy into this and I hope you will not either.

Can’t Live Without…

You have seen the exercise where people are supposed to decide what ten things they should take on a deserted island to have with you, right?  I actually did not like thinking like that because I always thought “Hey you actually need to know how to use the compass right?”  My exercise is going to be more of a fun and frivolous exercise of what ten things would you bring with you  to say a wilderness cabin in the woods that had all of the basics such as lodging,heat,water, electricity, etc.

I thought about doing the Oprah like my favorite list and then thought I am going to make my top ten things I have to have in the wilderness.  Now I will let you know that you can bring one other person with you on this adventure whoever he or she might be.  Some of you might forgo the human contact and go it alone and that is cool too.  I think I have covered the basics of what I would like you to think about.  When you look at my list I want you to think what does it say about me the things that are on my list?

• Diet Dr. Pepper: I cannot live without this beverage so I would have to stock up on it for my adventure. I think this says I am a bubbly person ! (I crack myself up)
• My Ipod: I love my music and I have to have it with me at all times. I think that I am just one of those people who needs music on no matter what I am doing. It is also pink which says girly.
• My significant other:  I told you I loved sex and who else is going to carry all this stuff I am bringing?
• Jewelry:  I love accessories let me tell you. I have to be wearing matching jewelry at all times and just because I am in the wilderness does not mean I can’t look good.
• Edible Body Butter:  Okay this stuff is great for couples and just is something that you would want to use with all that free time you have in the wilderness. Don’t need any chafing or chapping. I think you know what that says about me.
• Tablet PC:  This is my little friend that is small and helps me connect to the world around me so I can have my email, my twitter, my facebook, and various other things I cannot live without. I am sure this says I need to get a life outside of the computer but …or I guess it could say I am hip to technology.
• Books  Oh yes I would bring a supply of books to pass the time.  I am a crazy reader who reads quickly so I would need to bring some books that were very long or that I could read over and over. Favorites include the Bible, the Twilight series and too many fiction writers to mention.  My tastes are varied so I might take a little bit of everything.
• Vodka or gin  One must take a supply that can mix with the Diet Dr. Pepper I am bringing and I might as well have fun while on this wilderness adventure.
• My most favorite blanket that I curl under almost every night.
• Dark Chocolate I love dark chocolate and I would make sure I had enough with me to satisfy my need for sweets.

Now you have my favorite things and I would love to know something that you love and appreciate to.  This is not going to change you life but it might give you an idea of what inspires and makes you feel good.  I appreciate all of the readers and nice comments that y’all have been giving me.  As we say here in the South “Bless your heart.”

Hungry for some Lovin’

“Each person’s sex drive is like an appetite: Some people spend their whole life in the kitchen and think about food all the time; some people can skip lunch,” says Ritvo, who is also chair of the department of psychiatry and behavioral medicine at Mount Sinai Medical Center, Florida.

I am a girl I guess who thinks about food (ahem) a lot of the time.  The reason I bring it up is not to brag or boast but just to state the facts.  I used to think that there were many other women like me but as I have grown older and dare I say wiser I see that I am not in the norm.  I guess I in some ways enjoy that fact because it does make me unique but on the other hand I have trouble finding women who identify with me.  For me most of my friends (mostly married like myself) view sex and intimacy as a “chore” or something needing to be done like doing the laundry.  I on the other hand view it as a way to show my significant other affection and love and connect in a way that is uniquely ours.  In continuing the comparison of food appetite and sexual appetite I found this Sex and the City quote that kind of sums it up:

“Samantha: So, how were they?
Carrie: The pancakes? Delicious, exactly what I wanted. I couldn’t get enough.
Samantha: No, I was referring to the moves.
Carrie: Delicious, exactly what I wanted. I couldn’t get enough.”

I know that there are many things that go into the sex drive: biology, psychology, and relationships but that is another post.  The therapist in me knows all about those things but in a practical sense I want to find some of my sisters in womanhood who share my love of sex.  I want to find the friend who wants to talk openly about wanting to be with her partner in that way.  I don’t mind most of the time really and kind of like the status with the men or being viewed as the “cool wife” .

I am just amazed that there are not more women who think more like me and do think about sex like a man which is more often than not…I guess I will continue to stay hopeful that there will be women who are like me.  In the meantime however I will continue to read my erotica and indulge in my fantasies.  I will let you in on the fact that my house might not be perfectly clean but my husband does wear a smile in terms of his sex life!  Post some comments because I know you have viewpoints.  Looking forward to hearing from you…

Save the Drama for Your Mama…

Drama Queen or King: Someone who turns something unimportant into a major deal. Someone who blows things way out of proportion when ever the chance is given.

“Oh my god! You copied that without giving the other person credit! That is just mean. You’re horrible, don’t talk to me. Im gonna go tell everyone what a cruel person you are just so they will pay attention to me and think im cool.”

Just when did our whole society become insanely dramatic about everything?  I know that a little drama goes a long way.  Hey I have been known to stir up a little of the drama in my life you know.  However an observation for everyone, we get completely dramatic for all the wrong things and when we should be screaming and wailing we are somehow silent.  Let’s take someone like a Paris Hilton who prances around stirring up drama for the sole purpose of self-promotion.  She actually makes a career off of it and for that she ought to be commended.  She is not a drama queen in the sense of being overly dramatic per se but she does seem to revel in the limelight when things become drama-filled like her little tiff with BFF Nicole Ritchie.

Nicole Ritchie too has benefited from her desire to bring drama to her life as a way to say “look I am here and I need to be noticed.”  There are many more and I am sure we could think of a million of the celeb ones, but basically our society encourages these women to be like this.  We remember on the other hand those drama queens or kings in you life you do not have the celebrity status and are just a pain in the ass.  The friend who somehow always has a bigger crisis or a better story when it comes time for you to get your shot perhaps at a moment in the sun.  They are the people that you don’t call back when they leave a message and whose sole purpose some day is to tell as many people as he/she can about the drama that they have going on.  A great example of this is Penelope from the Saturday Night Live skits.

Penelope is a drama queen in the sense that she has done everything bigger,better, and in a much cooler way.  Perhaps this is an exaggeration but there are parts of Penelope in each of the drama queens/kings we have in our life… Just take a look and see if you know anyone like Penelope.

As I have explained we have become a society that is always looking for the story of someone who creates or encourages drama in their lives.  For that we all share the fact that we are the people who want more of the “train wreck” drama that involves another person in the midst or a personal “train wreck.”  It truly is fine to be dramatic at times and to play that part but we walk a fine line of becoming our own scaled back version of Penelope.

The part that I challenge each of you to think about is why aren’t we raising drama about some of these terrible things in our world.  Does anyone know what is happening in Darfur?  Do you know how many people die of AIDS in Africa every day?  The point is that really we all need to spend our time thinking of what we could do in places where drama does not even describe daily living conditions.  Stepping down from soapbox, I leave you with this thought… Please girls and guys “Save the drama for your mama!”

“The List”

Going out on a limb here and exposing the fact that you and I have “a list.”  You are now saying to me what kind of list?  A list of things I need to do? A shopping list?  A Christmas list?  No to the aforementioned lists, while they are very nice lists to have this is not the one I was getting at…  Because I am one hot mama, I have kept track of my list for many years.  Yes let me explain,  I am taking it down to the gutter and we are going to explore “the list.”  I am going to explain it is a “to do list” in the sense of if this person were available and willing to have sex with me I would do them!  ( I crack myself up sometimes)  This list is usually decided on with your partner or significant other as a what I like to call a free pass.  It means that in the fantasy world where we all sometimes go, what celebrities ( authors, actors,actresses, etc)  would we in a hypothetical situation want to “be with?”(under no penalties by the significant other)  There may be a few of you out there who don’t know what I mean, but for the rest of you I encourage you to ask your partner or significant other who is on their list.  We all have a list in our heads and we may add or subtract people on and off the list.  This is how the conversation went long ago with hubs when we had just  started dating : Me:  “Who would you put on your list of chicks you would like to do if they became an option and I would let you be with them?  Who would you want to knock boots with?”  Hubs:  “You want me to give you that list? Are you sure I won’t get any trouble with you?”  So the conversation moves on and the list is drawn up.  Too be totally fair to hubs I even did criticize his list… Okay he had Jewel on there and at the time i was preoccupied with her lack of dental work.  Don’t be like me let your man or woman have their list!  I learned my lesson.

You might be asking, okay why don’t I give you some people on my list?  My answer is no problem.  My list is diverse but it reflects what I like…(in no certain order)

• Steve Page of band Barenaked Ladies ( I like to make sure the Canadians are accounted for)http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Steven_Page
• Vince Gill, country music superstar who croons like no other
• http://www.vincegill.com/main/index.php
• Craig Ferguson, talk show host of The Late Show with Craig Ferguson ( Scottish accent hot)http://lateshow.cbs.com/latenight/latelate/
• David Duchovny , actor of X-files and Californication fame (okay sex addict too) http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0000141/
• Lenny Kravitz, totally hot rocker http://www.lennykravitz.com/
• David Gray, singer/songwriter from Wales http://www.davidgray.com/
• Flavor of the week (changes depends on my mood)

Okay so I am sure I have left several people off the list but now you at least get the point.  The list gives an idea of what you like.  I tend to go for the funny smart guys .  This is not exclusive but you see there are trends.  My job for you today is to think about who might go on that list and send me your comments.  I am not in the business of judging your list, after all it is your list.  After you come up with some people on your list think about sharing the list with your partner,spouse, significant other, friend, or even your pet.  The last one is in case you can’t find anyone to share it with…

It is a fun little mental exercise and who does not like thinking about who they want “to do?” I know that some days we just need a little something to help us through our day and I hope I made you smile.  I hope you have enjoyed the trip into this woman’s sexually charged mind today and remember some days we all just need a laugh.  Hope you have a great day and I will be waiting to hear your lists!!!( I promise to keep them to myself but I may have to add them to mine if they appear worthy)

Too much info?

• “TMI” (“too much information”), a slang expression indicating that someone has divulged too much personal information and made the listener uncomfortable.  (from Wikipedia)

How many times have you been in the situation where someone gives you a little more information than you cared to know?  I mean the kind of information where you feel bad that the other person just shared something with you that probably needed to be kept to themselves.  In the world of mental health the professional word for that is personal boundaries.  It means generally that you divulge private information to another person that does not make you or the other person uncomfortable.  Now that changes based on the relationship you have with the person and the ability to gauge what might make that person edgy.  Watch young children, they often have few personal boundaries and will tell neighbors, family members, or even strangers almost anything without blinking an eye. (yes it is usually at the most inopportunate time too)  As adults we hopefully mature to the point that we can sense or identify when someone is becoming a little uncomfortable with the subject matter of Aunt Phoebe’s hemorroids or the repair man who wants to tell you about his wife’s ass.  But there are the people who simply do not get it… They missed the memo about not sharing everything  with anybody or everybody or were gone from class on the day when you learned about reading social cues.  People as a rule will give you some very clear signs of being uncomfortable by not looking directly at you, putting their head down, blushing cheeks, or becoming visibly anxious.  There are many more but I trust ( I know this is me going out on a limb) that you know what they are and if you don’t please pick up a book at your local bookstore on the subject.

Our society however is  generally either on one side of the fence or the other and this is the most problematic for me… As I have shared in my first post I am an open and communicative girl who pretty much puts it out there in an appropriate manner ( most of the time) but I find that people have become much more uncomfortable in open communication and discussion of healthy relationships.  Example,  I have a nameless friend who anytime the subject of sex would come up in general girl chit-chat would say “don’t want to hear it.”  Now let me tell you I was not having an in-depth discussion of the Kama Sutra position used between my husband and myself or the time it took for me to become orgasmic.  (see an example of too much information there) I would simply be stating something about actually having sex with my husband (gasp!) in passing.

So there it is, in the US where I live,  we put sex out there everywhere ( ads, magazines, etc) without having the ability to have an open dialogue about wonderful human sexuality.  I guess for me it becomes clear that I am in the minority often in the ability to discuss sexuality without becoming uncomfortable.  I know that for me I can read the social cues when someone is uncomfortable and don’t want to become the person who shares “TMI”.  For the record however I feel like I am the one who is being genuine and honest and am usually viewed as being a breathe of fresh air in that respect.  What I am here  to tell you is there is a fine line between “TMI” and talking openly about subjects like sexuality.  Please let’s not  become the society that shares too much but let’s also not also become a society that also cannot discuss certain subjects that are part of everyday life and our humanity.  We do the children of our world a disservice if we don’t give them the gift of openness.  Take what you want from what I have commented on above and I would love to hear what you think… I love getting replies and enjoy banter.  And don’t worry I was not going to tell you about the amazing sex I had last night…